


Sorry

by ajaeparkian



Category: Monsta X (Band)
Genre: AU, CEO!hyunwoo, Fluff, Hurt/Comfort, M/M, My apology for not being able to update my series, Therose, happy end, photographer!Kihyun, song/fic, sorry - Freeform
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2018-07-02
Updated: 2018-07-02
Packaged: 2019-06-01 06:28:39
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings
Chapters: 1
Words: 2,874
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/15137144
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/ajaeparkian/pseuds/ajaeparkian
Summary: "Loving someone doesn't make you a sinner... love is not a sin, it was a gift for us... us that knows nothing about love, us who was raised as a giver instead of a receiver... us that was destined to be together"





	Sorry

**Author's Note:**

> /I suggest you to listen to The Rose's "Sorry" when reading this story/

 

**_I feel tired tonight_ **   
**_A word that you can’t forget in a breeze_ **   
**_Sorry, for not turning back_ **   
**_Sorry, for selfish self of mine_ **

 

 

Kihyun sighed as he stared outside his window, the rain was pouring hard, drowning all the noises of the city.

 

 

He didn't mean all of that...

 

 

He didn't mean to pushed him away...

 

 

He didn't mean all those things that came out from his mouth...

 

 

_"I hate you!"_

 

_"I wished I never meet you!"_

 

 

The look on his face, the lights in his eyes and the pain in his voice...

 

 

Kihyun dropped his face onto his palms, he chewed on his bottom lip hard trying to prevent the tears from falling down.

 

 

Why didn't he said something? Why didn't he fight back?

 

 

Kihyun hugged his knees as he sobbed, he was such a fool.

 

 

He knew, his heart knew that he couldn't live without Hyunwoo... but the way his cracked voice spill the words that weren't mean to be said...

 

 

_"Let's break up"_

 

 

Was it a selfish thing to do from him?

 

 

All he want was for Hyunwoo to looked at him with the affection he has for his friends... his family... but why does Kihyun felt left out? Like he didn't belong closed to Hyunwoo's heart...

 

 

Like he was an odd in the evens.

 

 

**_The paled city lights_ **   
**_A chilling voice_ **   
**_Sorry, for not turning back_ **   
**_Sorry, for selfish self of mine_ **   
**_Sorry, even if I’m late already_ **

 

 

Is it too late now? To fix everything and turned to where they used to be?

 

 

What were they?

 

 

They never make it official... were they?

 

 

But Hyunwoo gave him a golden ring, with their initials carved on it... but he was the only one...

 

 

Hyunwoo never asked him to meet with his friends... to... to know him better...

 

 

Or was he? Wasn't it because Kihyun was too busy with his own work?

 

 

He wanted to say sorry and fix everything... but would sorry be enough? After all the pain he caused for Hyunwoo...

 

 

Kihyun bit his lip as he reached out to his phone, he slide the screen and it showed a picture of him and Hyunwoo. Faces radiating with happiness as Kihyun kissed Hyunwoo's cheek, they took this picture when Hyunwoo proposed to him at their usual restaurant.

 

 

Kihyun still remember how nervous Hyunwoo was, stuttering with his words, face flushed as his trembling hands held Kihyun's tiny ones.

 

 

Kihyun smiled as a tear escaped from his eyes, Hyunwoo was such a bear.

 

 

"I'm sorry..."

 

 

**_Tonight_ **   
**_A night with a covered face_ **   
**_I’m in blurred thoughts_ **   
**_Why everything is getting harder again?_ **

 

 

It should've been back to normal... everything should fall back into their places but they didn't... why?

 

 

Was it because there was a hole inside his life? The gap that used to be filled by Hyunwoo?

 

 

That used to be filled with his smiles, laughter and love... love?

 

 

Ah... that's right... he never get the chance to return the love back...

 

 

He was the only one receiving... was Hyunwoo okay though? It must been hard for him...

 

 

To cooped up with Kihyun's attitude..

 

 

It hurts... everything... everything he did always reminded him of Hyunwoo.

 

 

He never realized how important Hyunwoo was in his life until this exact moment... where his saw Hyunwoo in everything he did.

 

 

**_I’m lonely_ **   
**_A night that I’m the only lonely_ **   
**_Perhaps waiting without knowing_ **   
**_Why you have not called me yet?_ **

 

 

 

He had promised Minhyuk to accompany the man to the nearby club and there he was, lost and lonely, in the middle of blurry faces.

 

 

Eyes wavering as if they were searching for something... searching for what?

 

 

For Hyunwoo's warmth?

 

 

He keeps looking at his phone as if he was waiting for a call...

 

 

A call? From who...?

 

 

Was his sin that unforgivable?

 

 

Kihyun looked up and was frozen as his eyes locked with the ones that stole his lights, the eyes that drowned him deep in the dark ocean...

 

 

Hyunwoo

 

 

He wanted to call him, to reached out for him but nothing came out from his trembling lips... only tears... tears that were invisible...

 

 

Can you hear it?

 

 

My heart yearns for you...

 

 

Can you hear my cries?

 

 

"Don't -" his voice came out hoarse, not able to reach the man that was turning away from him... to that woman..

 

 

**_I’m sorry don’t go, don’t forget me_ **   
**_I’ll be there with you_ **   
**_I’ll only see you Tonight_ **

 

 

Kihyun took his phone as he ran outside, his whole body was shaking from the cold... his breath was coming out as white smokes, the tip of his nose and ears reddened but they were  nothing compared to his aching heart.

 

 

He was the one who ended everything...

 

 

Kihyun sniffed, wiping the tears away from his cold face...

 

 

But his heart wasn't ready for the empty gap inside, for the hollow feelings crawling under his skin... he wasn't ready for all of this.

 

 

But maybe he wasn't enough for Hyunwoo, to keep his heart filled with love.

 

 

Kihyun was full of flaws, he was imperfect... he was... nothing.

 

 

Maybe Hyunwoo was searching for something... something that Kihyun couldn't give.

 

 

Something like... home.

 

 

**_I’m sorry, really sorry so please don’t girl_ **   
**_Come back to me again_ **   
**_Cause without you, there’s no me anymore_ **

 

 

"Are you okay?" Minhyuk asked as he put the files down on Kihyun's desk  
"Yes I'm fine" Kihyun answered, not bothering to looked up.  
"Ki... I know th-"  
"Min please..." Kihyun pleaded  
"I don't... I..."  
"But you still love him!"  
"So what? Even if I did... nothing will ever change between us! I wasn't the home he was looking for, I was-" Kihyun choked on his own tears  
"Why are you doing this to yourself? Ki please stop..."  
"I... please just leave me alone" Kihyun said weakly as he felt a lump in his throat  
"This is not you..." Minhyuk said before he walked out from Kihyun's office

 

 

Not me?

 

 

Who am I then?

 

 

Yoo Kihyun... or... Son Kihyun?

 

 

Who am I?

 

 

If this isn't me... whose life I've been living for?

 

 

Whose hell I've been feeling for?

 

 

**_I feel tired tonight_ **   
**_A word that you can’t forget in a breeze_ **   
**_Sorry, for not turning back_ **   
**_Sorry, for selfish self of mine_ **

 

 

"Are you sure? Kihyun looked so broken... like a doll that was abandoned by its master" Hyunwoo looked down to his own glass of red wine  
"I... he said it Hoseok... he wants to end everything between us"  
"But you know him! How easily he breaks, how... how stubborn he is"  
"It's useless..."  
"You've been together for like years... why?"  
"Why? He couldn't understand Hoseok... even if I explained it to him countless times that it was how I usually act around my friends... he was burning from jealousy, he was saying things ... things that we promised to never say no matter how much the doubt was eating us alive because we promised to trust in us, in everything between us."  
"No... he was burning by the fire that you lighted in his heart years ago" Hoseok said as he looked into Hyunwoo's eyes  
"Because you were burnt as well"

 

 

**_The paled city lights_ **   
**_A chilling voice_ **   
**_Sorry, for not turning back_ **   
**_Sorry, for selfish self of mine_ **   
**_Sorry, even if I’m late already_ **

 

 

"Hyunwoo..." Kihyun muttered under his breath

 

 

"Hyunwoo..."

 

 

No matter how many times he tried calling him... his voice will never reach the man he loved.

 

 

All the city lights... the place where it never sleeps... he was alone... engulfed in the darkness, a contrast to the bright colors of the night city.

 

 

All alone... with the shivering thoughts and painful heartache... wishing for nothing but to be held by the man he loved.

 

 

"I'm sorry" he whispered

 

 

"I'm sorry..."

 

 

As if his sorry(s) will makes everything fine

 

 

_**I think of you all the night** _   
_**In memories thah I’m not included** _   
_**Why everythings getting clearer again?** _   
_**I’m falling** _   
_**Girl I never let you go** _   
_**Come back to me again, please** _   
_**Cause without you, there’s no me anymore** _

 

 

 

"Oh you're here!" Kihyun looked up as a woman hugged Hyunwoo

 

 

Ah.. fuck...

 

 

_"I love you Kihyun"_

 

 

Shit

 

 

_"I know, that's why I proposed to you... to make you mine"_

 

 

Shit

 

 

_"Look up baby, I want to see you as I fill you deep with me"_

 

 

Shit shit

 

 

_The growls, the moans and the warmth._

 

 

_The feeling of being filled to the brink of insanity, the forced that sent him up to the stars... the bruising grips..._

 

 

Fuck

 

 

"This is Hyunwoo, a friend of mine" the woman said as she smiled to Kihyun

 

 

A friend you wished to be more than that

 

 

"I know"  
"Hyunwoo , this is the photographer that I wanted to introduce to you"  
"I know" Hyunwoo said as he smiled when the woman intertwined their fingers

 

 

Ahh... fuck... I'm so hopeless.

 

 

**_I feel tired tonight_ **   
**_A word that you can’t forget in a breeze_ **   
**_Sorry, for not turning back_ **   
**_Sorry, for selfish self of mine_ **

 

 

Kihyun dropped himself on his king sized bed, not bothering to take a shower or to change his clothes. He was so worn out from the act he had to put up the whole day.

 

 

Tears streaming down to his cheeks, body limped as he sobs in the night.

 

 

Idiot

 

 

He bite his lip, trying to hold back the whimpering... the pain... and the helpless cries.

 

 

I'm sorry...

 

 

Please don't... don't look at her like that...

 

 

Don't

 

 

Don't smile at her...

 

 

Don't love her...

 

 

**_The paled city lights_ **   
**_A chilling voice_ **   
**_Sorry, for not turning back_ **   
**_Sorry, for selfish self of mine_ **   
**_Sorry, even if I’m late already_ **

 

 

"Was it the right thing to do Hoseok?" Hyunwoo asked as he stared outside the big window glass in his office  
"What? Letting go the man who stole your heart and distracted yourself with a woman we both know you have no feelings to? No, it's definitely a no" Hoseok spat, he knows how much Hyunwoo and Kihyun loves each other.

 

This was just a mistake, a misunderstanding.

 

He get it, how Kihyun can be too much sometimes but it was only because the man loves Hyunwoo with all of his heart. For a man who was raised with two busy parents, for a man who learned how to be independent at a very young age...

 

 

For a man who grew up without love...

 

 

Love was a new thing for Kihyun, a weird and abnormal feeling.

 

 

He was having a hard time showing his feelings, even when he didn't mean any of his harsh remarks... people will always misunderstood him.

 

Hyunwoo from all of the people should've known better... Kihyun was only afraid of losing him... afraid of his own imperfections.

 

 

"I love him Hoseok..."

 

 

**_The eyes that looked at me before_ **   
**_Your hands, I’ve get used to already_ **   
**_Now I’m in the picture too_ **   
**_But my tears have turned red_ **

 

 

Kihyun was tired, from all the crying... the emptiness that was eating him alive.

 

 

From the pointless attempts

 

 

Hyunwoo will never forgive him, he has no more chances left...

 

 

But what else he could do? Except crying his heart out... calling for his name in the middle of the night, surrounded by the cold.

 

 

What else he could do except to miss the man he loved in silence?

 

 

Kihyun wanted to call Hyunwoo, to talk with him... to see him. But something deep inside his heart clawed every time he was thinking of doing so like they were holding him back... from...

 

 

From hurting Hyunwoo again.

 

 

He has done a lot of unimaginable mistakes... from driving Hyunwoo away from his own cold heart to break the only love he has in life.

 

 

It was all too late.

 

 

**_The street I’ve met with you_ **   
**_The hours that we spent together_ **   
**_I think I can’t let them go_ **

 

 

Kihyun shivered as he wrapped himself in his jacket tighter, the weather was becoming too cold for his body to stand. He could've died at this point, tonight was below freezing but he wanted to see it... again... for the last time.

 

 

There were a lot of couples tonight, walking close to their dear ones. Looking and providing warmth for each others... eyes filled with love.

 

 

Was he like that too?

 

 

Eyes filled with love when he was still with Hyunwoo.

 

 

No... the only ones that were filled with love was Hyunwoo's and certainly not him.

 

 

Because he was someone who didn't know how to love.

 

 

Kihyun looked up to a big tree that was covered in snow, a big and tall tree with lots of red ribbons on its branches.

 

 

The only witness of his first kiss with Hyunwoo.

 

 

**_I feel tired tonight_ **   
**_A word that you can’t forget in a breeze_ **   
**_Sorry, for not turning back_ **   
**_Sorry, for selfish self of mine_ **

 

 

Kihyun waited... days after days... waiting for his heart to heal but it was to no avail.  
His heart still yearns for Hyunwoo... no matter how many times he tried to tell himself that it's the end for both of them.

 

 

He took his phone... looking at the bright screen for a very long time before dialing a very familiar number...

 

 

"Hyunwoo?"

He didn't mean to sound so desperate but the way his voice cracked, the way his lips were trembling from the tears and the way his whole body was shaking from the cold.

 

 

He needs him... more than ever.

 

 

He needs Hyunwoo's existence in his life.

 

 

"Please..." was the only thing he said before he broke down into tears, sobbing like a little child...

 

 

He didn't know what he was doing, he didn't remember what he said... Because it hurts.

 

 

Too much for him to handle... the fire inside his heart has burned him to ashes.

 

 

Breaking every inch of his body until there was no more left, taking his breath away.

 

 

It hurts

 

 

**_The paled city lights_ **   
**_A chilling voice_ **   
**_Sorry, for not turning back_ **   
**_Sorry, for selfish self of mine_ **   
**_Sorry, even if I’m late already_ **

 

 

He didn't know how Hyunwoo get to his house, all he know was the warmth that Hyunwoo provided for him

 

 

"I'm sorry" was the only thing Kihyun managed to say before he cried in Hyunwoo's arms

 

 

I love you

 

 

Don't leave

 

 

I'm sorry

 

 

"I don't want you to leave me..." Kihyun sniffed  
"I want you to love me only... to- to look at me only..." he said between his hiccups  
"I was s-selfish" Kihyun said, clutching onto Hyunwoo's expensive suit  
"I only wanted you for myself... I-" Kihyun bite his lip  
"I'm sorry for being imperfect... I'm sorry for my flaws... I'm sorry that I couldn't give you the home you were looking for" Kihyun was a mess now, his hair was messy, his eyes were red and puffy from the cries... He looked so broken...

"I'm -"

  
"Please don't"

 

There was a sharp pang in his chest upon hearing Hyunwoo's cold voice

 

 

Ah... is it really going to end like this?

 

 

"I'm sorry..." Kihyun looked down, trying to hide the tears that won't stop coming out.

 

 

He tried to look strong like he used to be, the Kihyun who will never budged because of love... the Kihyun who was full of ambitions.

 

 

He wasn't the one Hyunwoo was looking for anyway... so what's with the tears?

 

 

"No Kihyun..."Hyunwoo cupped Kihyun's face

 

 

It pained him to see the one he loves so broken like this... so... lifeless... the lights in his eyes were gone, replaced by hollow reflections.

 

 

As if he was far gone... drowned in his own scenarios.

 

 

"I should be the one to say sorry" Kihyun looked up  
"I should've known... it wasn't your intention right? You were only trying to show me your love..." Hyunwoo caressed Kihyun's cheeks  
"I was a fool... who was burnt by my own love for you... you were and will always be the one I'm looking for" Hyunwoo breathed as he rested his forehead on Kihyun's forehead.  
"I thought by fooling myself with the illusion of another companion will makes me forget about you but I was so wrong... you were there... in everything I do... in my eyes... in my head..." Hyunwoo caressed Kihyun's cheekbones  
"And in my heart... you will always be there... you were carved deep in my heart, you claimed a spot there... a spot that you left empty and cold when you're gone" Kihyun was sobbing hard now, he's sure that he was looking so ugly right now.

 

 

"Tell me Kihyun... " Hyunwoo looked into Kihyun's honey brown eyes

 

 

"I love you" Hyunwoo pulled him into a deep and passionate kiss, there was no rush between them only love and affection.

 

 

"Say it Hyunwoo... let me hear it..." Kihyun said looking up with his big eyes

 

 

"Tell me your lies and paint me saint..." Hyunwoo shook his head

 

 

"There were no lies to begin with... I love you and will always do. You are not a sinner Kihyun, loving someone doesn't make you a sinner... love is not a sin."  
"It was a gift for us... us that knows nothing about love, us who was raised as a giver instead of a receiver... us that was destined to be together"

-

**Author's Note:**

> Hello, I'm still in hospital... I'm healing but at a very slow pace.  
> Writing isn't the main problem here, the updating and editing process took a lot of time and energy. I can't spend more than 2-3 hours on phone because I get tired very easily now.
> 
> I was very sad to know that Wonho wanted to erase his thigh tattoo because I was thinking of having the same tattoo on my wrist but because he saw many Monbebe don't want him to erase it he was actually considering to let it be but because he was already in the middle of the process (removing) it can't be help... so I guess we won't be seeing his tattoo again.
> 
> I just hope that he was doing it because he wanted to and not because people told him to or because some hate comments about it. I keep thinking about how harsh people can be these days, was it... fun? To make fun of something ... to hate on something.  
> They weren't born to fulfill someone's satisfaction, they don't have the obligation to live their life they way people wanted them to be. It's their life, when will people stop sticking their noses to places they shouldn't to?
> 
> I'm sorry for my rants... and I can only give you this one shot instead of my other on going series. I hope you like this one and please listen to The Rose, they are such a great band like DAY6!
> 
> Thank you


End file.
